So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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