I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
