So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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