clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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