he wants to bone in the snuggie
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
