hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
