Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
