I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Randomize
