Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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