I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
honey bunches of taint.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Randomize
