I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
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