my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
