I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
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She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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