so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
