he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize