is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
