Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
