my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
