she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
