If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
