Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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