After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
