what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
