his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
