Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
