Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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