so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
