Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
