wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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