I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
