You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
