Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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