So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
