The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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