Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I think people are normalizing furries
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
