And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
