I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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