do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
