Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
