I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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