I'll bet she douches with gravy.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
