I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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