I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
