Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
