onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
