You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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