I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
