Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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