Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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