the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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