So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
