maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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