What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
