my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
My balls are so social today.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
