next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
