how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.