I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
