Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
