Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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