perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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