she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
