Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
