I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
