you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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