I want to walk on stilts...naked
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
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