mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
