I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
