My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
